This is what you can expect to find here:
Crow Humor, which may be offensive, to Normal people.
Canadian emblems, which some may see as being nationalist.
A slight bias against left turns, which may get me labeled a Right Winger.
A similarly slight bias against right turns, which may get me labeled a Left Winger.
A wee bit of satire, which may get me labeled a Wing Nut..
A taste of enlightenment, from one who actually knows what it is.
And a dash of the totally unexpected,
which may get me something unexpected.
Don't take yourself too seriously, eh !
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Two pleasant-looking people, accompanied by their spiritual advisor.
They do not have green antennae. You are hallucinating.
See how happy they are?
You might not know - if you are not happy - that this is how happy people look.
That is what a spiritual advisor can do for you.
This is why spiritual advisors usually are seen in flowing robes:
If they wear suits, their somewhat odd-looking necks become visible,
rather spoiling the effect.
They are, of course, the Blairs, who "ran" the previously "Great" Britain, from their Ivory Tower, located, allegedly, somewhere on Mars.
They expended a very great deal of effort, and a national fortune, in a bid to convince everybody that they were fools.
I saw through it, very soon, but was unable to convince anybody else that they were, in fact, Normal.
This is an obviously Normal face.
See? I told you the green antennae were not there.
Nothing foolish about this face.
I wonder why nobody else can see that.
Here is the clincher: she is now Spiritual, in addition to all the other money-making schemes she has going, along with her dauntless - and, astonishingly, suddenly Devout Catholic - husband.
Apparently, they still cost the taxpayers millions of pounds per year to pay for protection, from those very same taxpayers.
In my opinion, his most memorable statement was to observe that he had read the koran, and found it to be: "a jolly good read".
You don't get more Normal than that!
Saturday, November 6, 2010
This fellow is probably quite a fool really, because although he probably means well, he is alienating everyone that sees him. And I'll bet he doesn't even realize it.
That is a hallmark of foolishness, and you should immediately determine whether or not you have anything in common with him.
Do you go around pointing at people and calling them idiots?
But do you do it while wearing a weird suit?
No? Are you sure? Are you really sure?
Notice the interesting use of vocabulary.
Rather than call you a fool, he chooses to call you an idiot.
Do you see any significance in that?
And why all the blue clothes?
And the stars on the hat?
Stephen Hawking, if asked, would probably manage to utter "I don't know".
And he - apparently - is the finest mind in the Universe.
Which surprised me when I heard it.
Is that the best we can do?
Not that anyone could help but sympathize with the chap:
But when I hear children respond to being asked:
"If you could be anyone, who would you be?", and they say "Stephen Hawking!", I feel a cold shiver run down my spine.
There's something very wrong with that.
How do we even know he can do a simple crossword?
When he speaks, it's not his voice we hear. Its a synthesizer.
We get told over and over that this visual, auditory, oddball, is the genius of the ages, and nobody ever seems to bother making use of their eyes to hazard their own guess as to who and what he is.
I suppose it may, conceivably be true.
But we just don't know.
Like we don't know most things.
Which is why we need to become as foolish as we can, because only in full-on foolishness may one discover the universal folly that is our birthright.
To boldly know what the hell is going on.
We've tried being clever, and look how well that has gone.
So get with it.
Start chanting and burning that incense.
Don't forget that it's not what you do, it's how many people see you do it.
The longer you leave it, the longer it will take.
Just think how foolish you'll feel, if you have to tell your friends, you missed the Rapture!
Warning: Sharing any of this foolishness with any other party will halt any progress you have made and may even reverse it.
(:Yes, I know, I spelled it wrong. But doesn't it look hilarious :)
There's no fool like a Spiritual Fool, as is made clear by the above image.
They tend to sit in highly unnatural positions, and try to look as harmless as possible.
The Wearing Of The White, is a frequent hallmark of the highly spiritual fool.
The inclusion of nature, sunshine, white teeth, etc.
A long beard is often favored, especially by the spiritual feminist,
along with the nature, the mountains, the sunburst, and the teeth.
Even the spiritual adept with no dress-sense at all, is easily able to find an affordable, off-the-shelf costume to convey that "I'm More Spiritual Than You Are" look.
It's certainly easier these days to be a guru than it was in Jesus's time.
Safer too, I'll bet.
But one can't help but notice a certain similarity between them all.
Almost as if Spirituality can only be advertised in one, specific way.
Happy, Harmless, Odd and Wise? What is it, exactly?
Something in that smile, perhaps, as they display how very extremely happy they are.
It can be hard to put your finger on it, when trying to decide on what sort of guru is right for you, or what sort of guru to appear to be.
Best not to ponder it too much: after all: it's not what you wear, it's what you are.
Or, if you are still an unenlightened soul: It's not what you are, it's what you wear.
Disciples are very forgiving of a great many things, these days, and probably that is the appeal of making a lifestyle choice such as Conveying Spirituality.
Hopefully, neither you, nor your guru, whichever is more applicable, will ever have to go through the heartbreak of a Last Supper.
*****Alas, poor fool: could it be that you have been misled by my honey-tongued commentary?
Had you almost been tempted to see the above examples as Spiritual Fools?
For shame, if that is so!
For they are, all three, Normal Spiritual People!
A fool must be ever vigilant against deception.
This is the lesson you must learn, young Blogwalker!
Do not be tempted by The Power of The Normal Side!
It is as nothing, compared to The Power of The Farce!
Here he is: The Original Fool. The most dangerous fool ever.
He looks like a fool, for sure, but dangerous ???
You are looking at the clown who probably did more damage than Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Hannibal, Caesar and Dracula, combined. How so, you ask?
Way, way back, God (who actually never existed) decided to hire someone to explain what it was all about to the beings he had created, so they wouldn't start making stuff up.
Being a little short on cash, after creating his very expensive universe, he sought out the cheapest angel he could find. He offered the angel minimum wage, and told him to take it or leave it.
Unfortunately, the angel took on the job, and descended from the heavens, to spread the Word.
The angel set about his job...
He smashed up a few rocks and fashioned them into stone tablets, before carving out the story, for posterity.
When he was done, he smashed up a few more rocks and built a rudimentary analog spell-checker, from granite and bones, checked the texts, and started over, carving out the story, but spelled right, this time.
Only then did he realize it was the wrong story. So, undeterred, and patient as only an angel can be, he started all over again. By and by, he was done. Except for one thing. He forgot all about the rudimentary analog spell-checker...
On such details, hinge the fate of worlds.
The angel departed for heaven, smiling gormlessly, his job done.
Time passed, and one day a primitive human discovered the stone tablets, and sat down to read.
Some time later, he leaped up and down, spoke in tongues, groveled in the dirt, beat himself black and blue, fashioned for himself a suit of sackcloth and ashes, and trotted joyfully off to spread the good news.
Meanwhile, back in heaven, the foolish angel sought out his employer, to receive payment for his labors.
His employer, being God (who actually never existed), and being utterly perfect in every way, remembered the importance of checking his employee's work, before handing over the cash...
"Speakest thou, my lesser creation, unto me", he intoned, in a voice of thunder.
"Tellest to mine ear, whattest thou hast written, that my dearly beloved children might understandest mine own glory".
Those may not have been God's (who never actually existed) words, but nobody actually knows the real words that were used. So bear with me, here.
"As thou commandest me, mine Holy Master", replied the flying fool: "So shall I obey..."
He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and began...
"In the beginning, there was the Word. And the Word was God..."
The heavens thundered and the lightning flashed, as God (who never actually existed) flew into a rage...
"Thou Blithering IDIOT!" Cried The Lord, as mountains turned to dust, in His Righteous Wrath.
"Thou utter, total, FOOL!"
It began to dawn upon the angel that something might be wrong.
"Knowest thou not," The Holy Father bellowed, "that my name is GOOD???"
And there it was.
As they say: You get what you pay for.
The first typo in history, and it changed the course of everything that was to follow.
Imagine how religion might have gone, had every instance of the word "God" been replaced with "Good".
So tread carefully, young Fool.
Know thine power, both for GOOD and for bad.
Author's note: The Author is not responsible for any errors that may exist in this document, for he is a Fool, and is the first to admit it.
Just look at this character!
Some fools, you would never know they were fools, to look at them.
But this one? He wears it all over him!
What a fool.
He is long dead, rest his soul, but his name was Lao Tzu.
This probably isn't what he really looked like, but it will do for our purpose.
And what is our purpose?
Why, to ridicule him, of course :)
You see, he wrote this little ditty, now known as:
Tao te Ching.
I suppose it is worth admiring the fact that after some 2500 years, it is still around.
But that is probably only because it is so utterly foolish, that it became an instant classic.
If you are foolish enough, to move in such circles, that is.
I mean, it really is foolish.
Everybody knows that God created everything, right?
But this fellow, he says that there is this thing that is older than God!
Right. Like he would know :)
This very, very, very old thing, he called "Tao".
And obviously, what he said was mad, and thus foolish in the extreme.
I didn't believe this for one minute.
Even a fool could see this was ridiculous.
Yet it was a strangely intriguing read.
I kept going back to it, and recognizing things about it that I already knew.
Except for two things that could only have been written by a total fool.
The Tao is older than God.
The master is like a fool: his mind is so empty.
Like: how silly is that?
Anyone who is a Master can not possibly be a fool.
It goes on to claim that the Master doesn't know anything!
Haha, some Master, eh.
But since the rest of it seemed to make sense, I didn't try to understand what it might mean.
Like I said, it was a good read, and you might want to read it too.
It is very short, and takes no time at all.
Here it is:
This exceptionally foolish book changed my whole life.
Somebody is going to pay for that!
And I think it's going to be me.
Google it: Tao te Ching.
See just what a fool you are.
I dare you :)
All right. We have done the portraits now.
I have almost recovered from them.
It was a lot of fun, so much fun, in fact, that it was rather painful.
I hope you found it so, too. Fun, that is.
But what do we have here?
What is this thing?
What do you see?
This is what I see:
Some chap in either a pointy hat, or wearing a crow-mask,
sleepwalking while wearing a very long dressing gown.
Or bathrobe, as they are known in North America.
He is moving sleepily past a ladder, from right to left.
On the ladder is perched a helpful fox.
The fox is offering a long staff, which probably belongs to the sleepwalker,
who is sure to need it, wherever he winds up.
Wait a minute...
Maybe it's a sleepwalking crow, in a long dressing gown,
moving sleepily past a ladder upon which is perched a crow ballerina,
performing a fine arabesque, for some obscure reason.
But what does it mean?
Clearly, this signifies the somnambulistic nature of earthly life,
aiming for the heavens, that lie beyond the ladder, missing it completely,
even as the angels of heaven, represented by a crow, seek to guide and nourish.
That both their beaks are aligned skywards, is highly significant,
and representational of the whimsical nature of opportunities lost, blah, blah, blah...
Yes, well, before some smart-alec comments on what he thinks it is,
I had better admit that it is the Chinese character for Tao.
Even a fool knows that much.
In fact a fool knows more:
That there is no difference between the two descriptions,
and that both are not what they represent.
They are only representations.
Any fool knows this.
In fact: only a fool knows this.
Friday, November 5, 2010
People sometimes ask me: "Are you The Fool?"
I tell them: No. I am not.
But sometimes, when I get it completely wrong, I like to think I am.
For The Fool is what lives in the hearts of all fools, everywhere.
The ideal that is so very difficult to attain.
People don't really often ask me that.
In fact nobody has, yet.
I was doing what they do on those TV advertisements:
"Why do I choose Super-Toxic-Brand Potato Chips?"
When it's blatantly obvious that nobody asked them that at all, but we are going to hear why, anyway.
So, as a special treat for the faithful: here is a portrait of THE Fool, so you all know what he looks like.
As you see, he looks a lot like everybody else:
The green bug-eyes, the embarrassed flush, the vacuous smile, the purple designer-glasses.
But look closely and you will notice subtle differences...
His scrambled golden aura can be clearly seen.
As can his commitment to never use a hairbrush.
He seems to know nothing.
His Foolishness is unquestionable.
The true foolishness is not to resemble The Fool.
It is to BE The Fool.
Here is a framed picture of a fool.
The frame is actually very nice: I like the color.
But - to be honest - the frame is not that important.
And - to be honest - neither is the fool.
You are probably thinking: "well that's really easy to recognize."
And you would be right, if all fools looked like this.
Unfortunately they don't.
Annoyingly, fools come in all shapes and sizes.
Some don't even speak English.
Many of them wear glasses, but even that does not always hold true.
So how do you spot a fool?
The first rule is: Never go by appearances.
It is far more reliable to listen to what they say.
Do they speak as if they are an expert on the subject?
If they do, they are unlikely to be fools.
Do they speak rapidly and listen rarely, if at all?
Nope. Probably not a fool.
Do they tend to judge others without knowing squat about them?
Again, that's a normal person.
N.B: I would like to introduce two abbreviations here:
PWANF. (People Who Are Not Fools). And: PWAF. (People Who Are Fools).
So. Where were we?
So far we have talked only about how to spot PWANFs.
Which is actually the inverse of what we should be doing, which is learning how to spot PWAFs.
So here is a PWAF-spotting guide.
Often looks like anybody else, but has better balance.
Dresses in an uncool manner, since coolness is an unknown concept to them.
Fails to back away from dangerous situations where other people would.
Speaks clearly, directly and adds no unnecessary filler-words or cliches.
(Often to the point where normal people become uncomfortable, even paranoid).
Drives a car at, or beneath the posted speed limit.
Leaves a sizable space between his car and the car in front.
Brakes to avoid beetles, snakes, birds and anything that lives.
Stubbornly refuses to watch TV sitcoms, and Simpsons repeats.
Doesn't know who is the current top Ice Hockey team.
And, most telling of all: displays that outdated old thing called "common-sense".
So basically, that is how you can spot a fool.
Which begs the question: Why would you want to spot a fool?
Hehe: it's a trick question :)
If you don't know who is a fool and who isn't, well, what does that make you?
So always bear in mind:
Fools can resemble the picture above.
They almost never act like you do.
And they just act...weird.
It really is that simple!
On this day, several years ago, this Guy Fawkes chap, had a brainwave.
What a dope.
It all started out as a great idea:
Blow the crap out of the Houses of Parliament.
Do it while all the politicians are inside.
Nobody could argue with the reasoning.
But it all went pear-shaped, when the Famous Fool sneaked past the doorman without trying to lie about his intentions.
For heaven's sake.
Can you believe it?
"I am here to blow you all up", he exclaimed.
"Because you are foul, nasty, awful characters."
The doorman blinked in surprise at this, as Guy Fawkes trundled his barrow of dynamite inside the gates, and down into the basement.
Finally, the doorman realized that possibly this was the whole point of his job, and started yelling: "Guards! Guards!"
With that, Guy Fawkes was arrested, tried by a jury of his peers, and released on his own recognizance.
Alas, not content with this outcome, he tried again, was equally honest, was caught, and this time executed.
You couldn't make it up.
But it only goes to show:
A Fool is ill-equipped to go around blowing stuff up.
Normal people do a far better job.
Have you ever wondered if you are a fool?
Even if you haven't, I am sure that other people have.
Let's try to settle this question, once and for all...
1: Do you try to impress others?
If yes, don't worry, you are normal.
2: Do you tell lies, sometimes?
If yes, don't worry, you are normal.
3: Are you dissatisfied with the way you look?
If yes, don't worry, you are normal.
4: Do you tell others the right way to live their lives?
If yes, don't worry, you are normal.
5: Do you go to any lengths to prove that you are right?
If yes, don't worry, you are normal.
There. That was easy wasn't it?
But what did you discover?
If you answered even one question with a "no", you might want to start watching your behavior.
Oops, there I go: being a bit normal :(
Even a fool gets it right, sometimes.
But back to you: it is a good idea to watch yourself for any signs of foolishness.
Because, once you start down that road, believe me, it can change your whole life.
Fewer and fewer people will understand, or accept you, and you will find yourself in deep difficulty.
But if demand is high enough, you can return to my blog, where I may start offering counseling for fools.
Or, sadly, you may just resign yourself to being a fool.
However, be encouraged: there are far worse things you could be.
Like: Successful. Respected. Looked up to. Famous, etc.
Thank your lucky stars, eh.
On the other hand: if you answered "yes" to every question, you can heave a huge sigh of relief, in the certain knowledge that you are absolutely Normal.
I am happy for you.
You are something I have never been able to be.
I hope you don't take it for granted.
That is a tough question.
I would have to say: not very.
Cleverness is not a thing that fools have a lot of.
They have other things, but not that.
People often think of fools as:
naive, innocent, slow, dim, oafish, even stupid.
Is a fool any, or all, of these things?
No! He is not!
Those people are Normal!
No, the fool is without guile, without agenda,
without assumption, or expectation.
The fool hears what you say, not what he thinks you mean.
The fool answers honestly, and without malice.
The fool says what he means; not what he thinks you want to hear.
He sees you as you are, not as how you wish to appear.
The fool knows altogether too much about you.
That is why many people do not suffer fools gladly.
But the fool is still a fool: simply not very clever.
And people often ridicule this, or see the fool as inferior.
But the fool knows his place.
He does not try to appear to be something he is not.
He has a hard enough time just being what he is.
Just a fool.
Take this into account, when you deal with a fool.
You are dealing with something you can not possibly understand.
If you could, you would be a fool, too.
And probably, you would not want that.
Do you know what a fool is?
Maybe you don't.
That could mean that you are a fool, too.
A fool is someone who is not as others are.
A fool does nothing more skillfully than be misunderstood.
Nobody knows what a fool is talking about.
There is nothing a fool can do about it.
"He is a fool", they say.
Then they feel better about themselves.
The fool does not mind this.
He is a fool.
Nobody takes a fool seriously.
Including the fool.
This is the secret advantage,
of being a fool.