Saturday, November 6, 2010
The Original Fool
Here he is: The Original Fool. The most dangerous fool ever.
He looks like a fool, for sure, but dangerous ???
You are looking at the clown who probably did more damage than Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Hannibal, Caesar and Dracula, combined. How so, you ask?
Way, way back, God (who actually never existed) decided to hire someone to explain what it was all about to the beings he had created, so they wouldn't start making stuff up.
Being a little short on cash, after creating his very expensive universe, he sought out the cheapest angel he could find. He offered the angel minimum wage, and told him to take it or leave it.
Unfortunately, the angel took on the job, and descended from the heavens, to spread the Word.
The angel set about his job...
He smashed up a few rocks and fashioned them into stone tablets, before carving out the story, for posterity.
When he was done, he smashed up a few more rocks and built a rudimentary analog spell-checker, from granite and bones, checked the texts, and started over, carving out the story, but spelled right, this time.
Only then did he realize it was the wrong story. So, undeterred, and patient as only an angel can be, he started all over again. By and by, he was done. Except for one thing. He forgot all about the rudimentary analog spell-checker...
On such details, hinge the fate of worlds.
The angel departed for heaven, smiling gormlessly, his job done.
Time passed, and one day a primitive human discovered the stone tablets, and sat down to read.
Some time later, he leaped up and down, spoke in tongues, groveled in the dirt, beat himself black and blue, fashioned for himself a suit of sackcloth and ashes, and trotted joyfully off to spread the good news.
Meanwhile, back in heaven, the foolish angel sought out his employer, to receive payment for his labors.
His employer, being God (who actually never existed), and being utterly perfect in every way, remembered the importance of checking his employee's work, before handing over the cash...
"Speakest thou, my lesser creation, unto me", he intoned, in a voice of thunder.
"Tellest to mine ear, whattest thou hast written, that my dearly beloved children might understandest mine own glory".
Those may not have been God's (who never actually existed) words, but nobody actually knows the real words that were used. So bear with me, here.
"As thou commandest me, mine Holy Master", replied the flying fool: "So shall I obey..."
He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and began...
"In the beginning, there was the Word. And the Word was God..."
The heavens thundered and the lightning flashed, as God (who never actually existed) flew into a rage...
"Thou Blithering IDIOT!" Cried The Lord, as mountains turned to dust, in His Righteous Wrath.
"Thou utter, total, FOOL!"
It began to dawn upon the angel that something might be wrong.
"Knowest thou not," The Holy Father bellowed, "that my name is GOOD???"
And there it was.
As they say: You get what you pay for.
The first typo in history, and it changed the course of everything that was to follow.
Imagine how religion might have gone, had every instance of the word "God" been replaced with "Good".
So tread carefully, young Fool.
Know thine power, both for GOOD and for bad.
Author's note: The Author is not responsible for any errors that may exist in this document, for he is a Fool, and is the first to admit it.